I'm Feeling A Lot About: Tell Me Again How a Crush Should Feel by Sara Farizan

 Tell Me Again How a Crush Should Feel (it’s uhhh….you know… 🏳️‍🌈)

- by Stepheny

 

*Contains Major Spoilers

I’ve always been a sucker for your typical YA romance novel. So, in an attempt to diversify my reading taste…I read another YA romance novel. Well, kind of. 

Tell Me Again How a Crush Should Feel is Sara Farizan’s second novel, and a book I would definitely recommend. The novel’s main character is Leila, an Iranian American girl who attends Armstead Academy  and is hiding a big secret: she likes girls.  The main premise of the plot is the presence of a new girl at school: Saskia. Saskia is beautiful, confident, and bold. What else can Leila do but fall for her? 

Within that main plot, there are more subplots: Leila’s attempt at rekindling friendships, and her struggling relationships with her family. There are more, but I won’t go into all the details. When I first started reading the plot, I felt like I could already guess the basic plot. Leila likes Saskia, they get together, something dramatic happens in the climax in the book to break up their relationship, friendships are broken and remade, and somewhere in there Leila comes out to her parents. 

Suffice to say, I was pleasantly surprised.

 All of what I guessed prior technically happened in the plot. However, the main “twist” of this story was the romance. Instead of taking the typical route of Leila and Saskia falling in love, Farizan displayed an example of a toxic relationship. Their relationship wasn’t portrayed as “good” or romanticized like many love stories between teenagers seem to be. (Looking at you, Stephanie Meyers). It’s so important for the media to show examples of how these types of love are toxic, and aren’t normal, which is why I thought the relationship between Saskia and Leila was what made the book better. I loved that the author addressed Saskia’s damage to the main character, and didn’t shy away from pinpointing the problem within their relationship. Saskia was cruel at times, and it was made apparent to the readers. During the story, I started having this gut feeling about Saskia, especially through her confusing actions with Leila. Saskia would kiss Leila one day, only to cheat on her with a boy, stating they were just “experimenting”. However, Saskia would get extremely angry when Leila didn’t want to be around her, calling her offensive slurs while love bombing her the next day. At the end of the book, Leila realized Saskia’s abusive behaviors and ended up with an old childhood friend, who was much healthier for Leila’s wellbeing. Leila still has feelings for Saskia, even though she’s been hurt by the girl, something I’m glad the book addresses. An abusive partner, whether their abuse is verbal, physical, or emotional abuse, are often looked at by their victims through rose-tinted lenses. Even when Saskia is cruel to Leila, and Leila is furious, she still forgives Saskia, and at times doubts if Saskia is even doing anything wrong in the first place. 

Leila’s family—and her culture played a large role on her struggles with coming out as lesbian in the book. At family gatherings with her extended family members, Leila is jokingly asked questions about getting set up with a boyfriend, and marriage between a man and a woman with blood-related kids is heavily implied for Leila’s future. In one point of the book, Leila mentions about a cousin in her family that was gay. When he was accidentally outed, he was kicked out of his family’s house and ostracized by everyone. Even Leila wasn’t allowed to mention his name at all during the family gatherings. 

While I can’t relate to all of Leila’s problems, I can still relate (on a lower level) to the pressure of not being able to come out of the closet. It can be hard for older people, including parents (definitely including parents) to understand new types of sexuality or gender expressions, especially if they’ve grown up to believe being straight and cis is the norm. Societal norms of a marriage between a man and a woman have made it tricky to even come out as something different, in fear of rejection, hate, or even violence. 

I’m glad that books are finally showcasing LGBTQ+ relationships, and reminding everyone how much of a struggle there is in this community.  I know while I still have trouble with finding acceptance with my parents, I am very lucky to live in a place where it’s safe to be me. I wouldn’t get assaulted, murdered, or put in jail like other states or countries. Even Uni serves as a very accepting school, with the health curriculum including LGBTQ+ topics, the Spectrum club serving as a safe community, and my fellow friends and teachers. I’ve recently been hearing a lot about bills restricting discussion of LGBTQ+ topics, playing a sport, or getting the right medical treatment. It hurts. It hurts to realize that not everybody is as welcoming as the people I interact with on a daily basis. So finding LGBTQ+ books really helps. I hope that Tell Me Again How  A Crush Should Feel spreads awareness and acceptance, showing kids and adults alike that they aren’t alone. That being gay, trans or ace doesn’t have to be something to hide. That hetero relationships don’t have to be the norm. 

I went on a little longer than I expected. Anyways, I recommend reading this book (which will be available at the Uni Library once I return it) and I hope you have a wonderful day! :)